Corporate Wedding

Most frustrating thing about a Prod Release is it’s schedule.……it’s somehow planned(even if it’s accidental) for the same week/day for which you planned a leave like eons ago; maybe for your best friend’s wedding fixed for the same dates, where you were going to be the star of his “Bachelor Party” OR your wife’s expected delivery date doc had given when he had confirmed your wife’s pregnancy (Yeah I know this one is quite an exaggeration), but you got the point, eh??

Widely n most commonly, there’re two ways of doing things 1) right way, or 2) wrong way; but here, in India, there is another way ---

the Desi way………

The right way ensures timely delivery and best quality, however, even Desi way meets most of the standards; the only exception being the quality (which however generates more work….and in turn, more billing).

I feel Production release is like a wedding, where you are the father of the would-be bride (……unfortunately……), and it feels easier to trace Osama than finding a groom for your daughter because she is the frustrated version of “Ugly Betty”.

Even if you ignore these “LITTLE” accidents, and try to be at peace with the happenings around you, a few other elements, try in every possible way, to make your life miserable…….and one such element is Mr. Release Kapoor (the so-called “onsite coordinator”). He emerges suddenly from his prolonged hibernation to make his appearance…….and starts asking questions, which actually should have been asked 2-3 months ago, at the start of the whole thing.

So now, you have a pile of baseless questions, and Mr. AWESOME Kumar on the top of it all (with his Out-of--Box oops Kick-the-Box suggestions on how to make a release SUCKS-A**-FULL.....at least I feel so). However, even this doesn’t seem to be enough, so the height’s his boss, Mr. IEMA (I’m Even More AWESOME), who keeps recalling the pathetic old stories of his daughter’s marriage, sorry, Prod releases.

Then you have a few more buggers, the technologically challenged people mostly known as the “Client”……..who silently vowed to nag you day and night till the work gets done to his satisfaction.

And at the centre of this vicious circle is you, stuck in the middle of nowhere, praying for a Tsunami or an earthquake so that the office premises collapse then and there, and you are free of all bounds [but but (.....take one more.....) but……if your prayers were so easily accepted, then you would have been the adopted child of the MD of your company]………..So well, let’s rewind this scene, you start motivating yourself remembering the movie “300” and yelling “THIS IS SOFTTTWAAAREEEE”

And all this makes you write your Desi version of “Two Cures for Love” by Wendy Cope

1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter.

2. The easy way: get to know him better.

Here it goes : “Two Cures for Prod Release” by Me

1. Don't see requirements. Don't make code changes or handle any matter.

2. The easy way: Prepare for GMAT and Place yourself better.